Hello says Alissa!

What journeys we all go on~! How far! How wide! And how we travel, often, without knowing the extend of our impending voyage. This has been a hell of a summer and hot damn, I feel like me again. Right now at 1:40 am on a sunday night, in august, a mere 20 minutes away from my favorite time of year. I'll probably be asleep before then, I have this job thing...but I am more hopeful than I've been in some time.

I had my first improv show--this baby i've been nursing for over a year, since the beginning of last august and I saw the rewards, the complete rewards, tonight--for the first time. I'd forgot the high of being onstage, performing. Being PART of something. We may fight, but i respect my improv class. And i am proud to be on stage with them. And i am proud that I can be silly and wacky with them as I used to be offstage, amongst friends.

When did everything get so serious? What happened to the Alissa that a friend once looked at in wonder, saying he wished he could see what was going on inside my head because it was amazing.

I was told by another, that I should never lose my sense of wonder. Well, it's back. whoooooaaa nelly! It's funny, weird really. How it can take something so tragic as losing a most dear loved one to remember what it means to be alive. Call it a cliche, but cliches are just nuggets of truth so obvious we think we shouldn't need reminding...yet we do.

All the scenes tonite were great, but it was the audience clapping super loud when my name was called for the grass hopper, it was a member of my group that came up to me, a member i'm not super close with saying how much he loved watching me perform that made my night.

bloggy boo

So often it feels like we don't let ourselves be happy for others around us, bask in their sucess. It's not our fault. We want to do better, ourselves. We want to be the astronaut named Neil Armstrong, hiding any likeness to Buzz Aldren in the closet. Sometimes i wish the word comparison never was invented. It was a pure joy last nite, listening to XRT after a rousing game of sardines with improv pals, to hear the Dj start talking about Ezra Furman and the Harpoons, how Ezra's going to be a big thing one day soon. I couldn't hope for anything but. I went to Tufts with Ezra and while we were never super close, I can't help but smile thinking about him and his soulful way of life. Listening to his voice clink as it it hit the various notes on the table, was pure joy. Driving home, my dial on what i think to be the best radio station in town, hearing my friend's voice shake and jam and slide down for that last high note. It was hopeful. And in being happy for him, I found myself happy for myself.

And then I saw another friend, Jeff, on his bike at montrose and clark, peddling into the streetlights beyond eyesite. It felt like Chicago pinching my cheek, saying, "c'mon sister, the world loves ya, even if sometimes it doesn't show it."

In other news, camping this weekend with improv troup. For serious. Not the punchline of a joke... we shall see how this goes. And then shows! for 8 solid weeks on sunday nites at i.o. Can ya believe it's finally time?There's a dude bein a real jerk in our group...and i don't think he's aware of it, so maybe on a small level he's not to blame, but he's making everyone real jumpy. And killin the happy improv spirit. I'm trying to be as nice as possible to him, kill 'em with kindness ya know, but being around him makes me mad, sad, and a gazillion other feelings of distress and disappointment. I just had a discussion with a spicy irish gal bout him about his blog and how offensive it was, how totally rude and mean. Well, i have said nothing that I would not be happy to discuss...with anybody. And the past entry was taken down, due a similar occurence. I don't want to upset anybody within this lil bloggy boo. I'm just one girl. These are my wanderings. I hope they allow the few readers out there to get to know me better, somehow. However, if they're upsetting, that is when the line gets drawn.