self-destructive behavior

I used to be a pretty self-rightous lady. I mean, I still am at times. And, mostly, I'm okay with this because I have equally high standards for myself. That said, i apoligize for never giving proper credence to self-destructive behaviors. Instead, I thought, well, its self-destructive, why don't they STOP.

Well, i'm pretty sure they would if they could. Be it they pick at their nails or keep making wrong friend or boy or girl choices...if they could, they would. Sometimes, i think it'd be better to go through this life Pavlov style--place a buzzer on my head--the way that in psychology they teach you that if a dog is shocked so many times he'll learn. Haven't I been shocked enough? I ask you. Yes, yes i have, I tell you. And yet.

A friend says, buddhistically, to let that thought in. Let it perculate and run out. But therein is the problem. Right now, i have enough thoughts to power a lighthouse, a windmill, a trip to spain via a small wooden canoe.

I'm pretty sure i'd rather go out via shock theraphy than drown in the ensuing flood.