cry me a river--ok, i´ll join you

Ay. What a disaster this day has been. Although i got paid! YAY. For three months! Woohooo. I´m rich! Well, comparatively. So, my dear friend esther, my one and only link to young people in priego, recently was bit by a bug i´ll call wanderlust. We have a 9 day break now, and she asked where i was going( i wasn´´t sure at the time) and she suggested morocco. Said she has a friend there. Ok, awesome. I´m there. We´re supposed to leave tomorrow. Then things change.

Raul, the spaniard who my canadian/bulgarian housemate is curently having an affair with, his mother gets the awful diagnosis of having very little time left to live. Maia(housemate) and him have been staying in the hospital virtually every day-night for the last week. Esther, is raul´s best friend, although she seems rather blase about the whole occurings. This, is because Esther feels neglected by Raul in wake of his relationship with maia. Are you still with me? In any case, its been a week and a half and raul´s mom is still alive.

Esther also ´finds out´ that the date of her final exam is earlier than she thought, next week in fact, on the friday(we are supposed to return on thurs) and says she didnt think it would be possible that her exam could be that early. Hi, i went to college too--and if you plan an extended vacation even a week before such an important exam you ARE A FOOL. Maybe she just realized how stupid the plan was--but now i´m basically screwed because of it.

The whole time i´ve been here, esther has pretty much treated me like a walking, talking, doll. She pinches my cheeks and i´m grateful that i can understand what she expects of me--sitting pretty. Check. I can do that. And even before this happened, i was a bit worried about the trip because i get the feeling she doesn´t expect or even want me to have opinions--she´s cocky and she likes being right. Well, surprise, i have opinions! And, i´m being immodest here, but they tend to be well-informed. It´s like she thinks that telling me the day before we´re supposed to leave(after i´ve spent the majority of the week on teh computer trying to look up things about morocco, places to stay etc), is OK. No Biggie.

It is--because the thought of staying in my town for 9 days without work makes me want to die.
Ah, yes this is bad you say. Well, i try to express this to Anabelle(my boss and also one of my closest friends here) and i, god damnit, i start crying(also my grandpa needs another surgury and he´s 92 which is very concernign seeing as how he is the backbone of my family and like my second father) and then she starts crying adn ssays she worried about me , that they NEED me here...and now i feel like complete shit because i know im leaving in feb to go back to ireland.

Mierda.

I like computer and computer like me. DEAL WITH IT.

Buenos Dias...well, you´re probably all still sleeping as its 11:30 am spain time. I REALLY need people to stop making comments about how im always on the computer at school because 1) i only work 12 hours, but when i get here at 10, and have two hour long free periods between 10 and 2...what am i supposed to do with my time--and dont say read because i do that between 4 pm and 10. and 2) I can´t afford more than one or two phone cards(6 euros and abotu 40 minutes per card) a week. And, 3) Even if im in spain i would like to stay well informed of whats going on in the world. And 4) i know they´re trying to maybe joke with me and im being too sensitive, but everything here...well. I am not a cryer. Im not. I cant remember the last time i cried in the states that didnt have to do with some outburst on my mother´s behalf. Maybe i cried...sometime before or during graduation? I didnt even cry when i finished my thesis. I really can´t recall. Here, i feel strong if i go a week and a half. And, that´s ok. I´ve gotten used to the chaos of it all, and i don´t even mind the tears, it feels good... a release of sorts. All, the same i feel like a different person.

I wonder if we are who people treat us to be. At home, i´m always so busy with activities, and work, and responsability. And I can play that part well--get shit done etc. Here, no one expects anything of me. I can skip class, ´forget i have class´, anything really...and they´re like, oh, she´s such a silly american. So, i do less, and it´s fine and no one minds. It´s just an odd sensation, to be treated like a cross between a mute invalid and a demented alien.

Which is why the english teachers here are prob my closest friends. Anabele, is prob 35 and the head eng teacher, elouisa is 26, her bf Chesco is also 26 and...i feel like we´re friends. We can have conversations and laugh and talk in english occasionally(even with them i try to speak in spanish because its more polite...when in rome). Last night we went out to a bar, had a few drinks and tapas, and i felt real. Chesco and i were talking about phil collins on the radio and the meaning of an insuationa and an affirmative statement(he claims he knows i have feelings for the other american, from pitts, in the next town over...i know that i have feelings for the myself i can be whenever im with him...) but i haven´t laughed that much in..a good long while. I felt giddy.

OOf well recreo is about to start(recess) and thus all the other teachers will crowd into the teachers room and even though they cant read this, i feel awkward being on the computer when they are all here--that i should try to be social. So, i go.

more soon--maybe about morocco! Hurray for adventurous trips to...africa?!