If I believed in luck, I'd be so overwhelmed by mine..

I had a moment of doubt Thursday Night. I was out with a guy from work, hearing his friend's band play and all of his old friends seemed to be there. People whose bones and blood he knew. It wasn't the best night, he hung out with them far more than me and, hey, I can fend for myself...but not with blasting music. I was left drifting amidst all the other concert goers, feeling alone alone. But, while I was frusterated at him putting me in that spot(to his credit, at least he seemd totally unaware of it...not like he was trying to be a capital jerk), I was more sad at how dispersed my blood and bones were.

Today thekiso called me from ireland. If there is goodness in the world, it is him. How lucky I am to be his friend, to have him call me when he is still so ill and should be sleeping. He's always in such good spirits and so much sicker than anyone else i know. I used to wonder how he could be so positive amidst all his migraines--but that's just thekiso. When i felt so shitty in ireland when I first got there, he adopted me, he took me in, and watched over me. I like to think we can all have multiple best friends but he's become more like a brother. I don't use that word lightly, though I do not know exactly what it means as I have none. I can think of one other friend I feel that way about in all the boys/men I know. I just, I hope that I can be as good a person to someone in need as he was to me...

And then there is Margaret O. To be crazy, silly, poetically alive. Thank you.

I don't want to make a list, of all the ways you and others have made my life richer, but you have. So much so that when i see others rejoice amongst friends, i feel that gnawing in my breast. Because, I know what I have lost.

Even though, you are all a (trans-atlantic) phone call away and never really gone.